I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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