Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
