i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize