Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
