You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
