So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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