Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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