Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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