yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
