I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
