Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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