evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
