last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
