hotel room ftw
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
