There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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