i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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