I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
In America we eat man semen.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
