I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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