I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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