why didn't you poke me back
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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