All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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