Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He felt like a one man threesome
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
