something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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