It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
