The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Randomize
