Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
