You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
