areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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