The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
