Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
