Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
