sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
