Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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