is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
