I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
