i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
