I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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