somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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