.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
