I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
