i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
