broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
