Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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