in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
