I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We left an ass print on the piano.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
