i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist