The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
