I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
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her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night