We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
