Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
