i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
