well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
