last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
