So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
