My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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