Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
