I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
