she woke up with a sticky ear
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
