he puts the penis in happiness.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
