you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
