i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
