Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize