Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
