Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
