I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
