If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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