I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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