nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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