Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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