9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize