He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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