Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
