he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
