I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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