If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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