I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
