I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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