Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
