how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I bet he comes in French.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
