And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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