billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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