The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
