Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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