Someone shit on the floor
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
