I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
