I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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