Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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